My moodswings these days are seriously slowing eating myself up.
For no particular reason, my mood have been no where near to pleasant these days.
The frustration that silently piled up inside me is suffocating.
And the part that I have no idea why are these happening is making it worse.
At least I'm not letting these frustrations onto people around me, yet.
And I've been secretly and quite frequently giving myself a pat on my back for the increase in my EQ these days. Even I myself am surprised.
Today, for instance, is an extreme emotional roller coaster ride.
I didn't slept for a whole night trying to catch up to my schedule for the Crit this morning.
My motivation is always running out by this time of the semester, when I need it the most.
And I almost wanted to give up and just go to bed at dawn. I fell asleep on the desk top instead.
Woke up 10 minutes later, feeling cranky. And I thought this shall be a cranky friday.
But then, I saw a snacks that my housemate left for me. A snacks that we called 快乐 hahahaha
And my mood just made a huge U-turn. And I fell asleep again.
And then woke up to my brother asking me whether do I want something warm to drink.
Heartwarming to death.
All these happen in less than half an hour.
Went to school feeling not so well, guessing it might be caused by sleep deprivation.
I had an uneasiness on my chest.
It was only one night, my body shouldn't have any problem dealing with this.
Went to school, finished my crit, got an unexpected high mark, feeling a tiny bit relaxed, I took a nap.
Waking up feeling dizzy, like my body and my head doesn't belongs together.
Had the afternoon class, sleeping half way through it.
And there goes another submission discussion, and my body is seriously repelling this.
I'm seriously feeling the stress. Even right now, I could feel the compression on my chest while I talked about this.
And I started to do all kinds of things, made all kinds of sound to distract myself.
Omg, I feel like I'm a psychopath wtf.
Came home at midnight, gather sufficient strength to bath and clean up my room.
And realised someone came into my room and made my bed.
It must be my brother, it's just a small move, but I'm crying.
I don't even know why am I crying, and I just tried to cry more, hoping it could release this uneasiness on my chest.
But to find out I couldn't, I can't cry more, and the weight on my chest remains.
And here I am, typing these out here, just cause I need an exit for this uncontrollable anxiety.
All these moodswings, am I having depression or what.
I'm so tired, and yet, I have to schedule my work, on a friday midnight, before I go to sleep.
But all of a sudden, my brain is tired, so maybe tmr.
goodnight.
Today, for instance, is an extreme emotional roller coaster ride.
I didn't slept for a whole night trying to catch up to my schedule for the Crit this morning.
My motivation is always running out by this time of the semester, when I need it the most.
And I almost wanted to give up and just go to bed at dawn. I fell asleep on the desk top instead.
Woke up 10 minutes later, feeling cranky. And I thought this shall be a cranky friday.
But then, I saw a snacks that my housemate left for me. A snacks that we called 快乐 hahahaha
And my mood just made a huge U-turn. And I fell asleep again.
And then woke up to my brother asking me whether do I want something warm to drink.
Heartwarming to death.
All these happen in less than half an hour.
Went to school feeling not so well, guessing it might be caused by sleep deprivation.
I had an uneasiness on my chest.
It was only one night, my body shouldn't have any problem dealing with this.
Went to school, finished my crit, got an unexpected high mark, feeling a tiny bit relaxed, I took a nap.
Waking up feeling dizzy, like my body and my head doesn't belongs together.
Had the afternoon class, sleeping half way through it.
And there goes another submission discussion, and my body is seriously repelling this.
I'm seriously feeling the stress. Even right now, I could feel the compression on my chest while I talked about this.
And I started to do all kinds of things, made all kinds of sound to distract myself.
Omg, I feel like I'm a psychopath wtf.
Came home at midnight, gather sufficient strength to bath and clean up my room.
And realised someone came into my room and made my bed.
It must be my brother, it's just a small move, but I'm crying.
I don't even know why am I crying, and I just tried to cry more, hoping it could release this uneasiness on my chest.
But to find out I couldn't, I can't cry more, and the weight on my chest remains.
And here I am, typing these out here, just cause I need an exit for this uncontrollable anxiety.
All these moodswings, am I having depression or what.
I'm so tired, and yet, I have to schedule my work, on a friday midnight, before I go to sleep.
But all of a sudden, my brain is tired, so maybe tmr.
goodnight.